I’ve been running short of cash lately and I realize that to maintain my current lifestyle I need to make some hard cash fast. I realized from my Financial Management class there is a very simple rule:
Cash Inflow - Cash Outflows= Net Cash Position
So basically to have a big R.H.S, I need to increase my inflows or reduce my outflows. Let’s look at each of them shall we?
CASH INFLOWS
1) The SBI ATM: This is my two month summers’ salary from Amex but let’s face facts this ain’t gonna last forever. And every walk to the atm & withdrawal from it makes me feel guilty; the watchman looks at me like I am a heist man. This added to the fact that I think after my new Sony Ericsson K510i and my ahem entertainment expenses in Delhi during summers has brought this figure down by half. Don’t ask me what the original was.
2) B-School Contests: Yea..I decided to try my hand at these..From paper presentations to Case Analysis…it seems either all of ‘em know that I plagiarize or I have the mental faculty of a escaped lunatic from Alcatraz or I’m a escaped lunatic from Alcatraz who plagiarizes. Added to the fact that I am financially challenged (in both ways, I claim to be a marketing major) so my focus point is quite narrow. And the completion in this acclaimed segment is as populous as the number of CAT aspirants. Ah well, I’m sure the ‘winners’ of these papers will be no match for me when it comes to the real thing. Yes. I’m sure. (Note to Raghav-Keep telling yourself that every night.)
3) Quizzes: My so called ‘core-competency’ (hey, I do know some stuff in marketing!) has given me the bum ride this semester. My only consolation (I call it sadistic plot of God) is that I end up as the ‘team that just missed qualification/ or the guys who tied last but couldn’t get the starred question’. I just have to settle for being the smartest guy in the audience and win prizes there. Either my reading is not up to the mark or people have become more well aware of what the hell’s going on around town.
4) Contests & Scams on the Net: Once in a while I always come across a story of how you can make 1000 $ a day with no skill required just 1 hour a day. Seems tailor made for a guy like me but they never seem to work. I shamefull admit the fact I signed up for a site that makes u click like about 30 ads a day and you get like 2 rs in return. I stopped after a week. Im expecting my cheque for..a cool 7 bucks(less taxes/membership/manual costs) in about 500 million years.
5) Stock Markets: Im still trying to break even from the 10 G’s my Dad gave me in my own sharekhan.com account. It seems that I have a knack for picking those stocks that either the CEO kills himself , the promoters run off or the industry which the company operates on is no longer in existence. (For a copy of my winning portfolio, drop me a line at Raghav_r24@rediffmail.com). And even with the spare cash I have there are 10,00 brokers here who have 1291032*e^2344 HOT stock tips. I realized that there is a formulae that accurately captures winning in markets
Money in Markets= Capital over 10,000 * Reliable Sources for information* Patience to wait atleast year * Shares Allocated in good IPO’s * Having a demat account* having a demat account which you know the password for* knowledge on executing a transaction.
I HEREBY DECLARE I HAVE NONE OF THE ABOVE REQUIREMENTS.
There are some sources of funds that shall remain unlisted for personal reasons lest the parties who are involved are aware of such incidents occurring. Let’s just say that It seems to be the last resort.
CASH OUTFLOWS
1) Food: The biggest expenditure for me by far. It’s just that the mess food here that is served is quite frankly, a mess. I hoped I’m not sued for libel or slandering. I guess I will use the fact that the last 21 years of having delicious home cooked food has set my standards sky high with a very low standard deviation of being a connoisseur of this God-Awful cuisine. I am the largest benefactor of Sweety Stores(the local retail food guy on campus) in terms of his ‘bun-donuts’ product line. I think the CEO of that company is cancelling his IPO because I’m giving that SOB all the capital he needs to raise from the primary markets. (For those who want to become millionaires, contact me I’ll tell u the name of the company, invest now and by the time u retire your old ass them shares will be worth 10x the current mkt price)
2) Dating: Well, I can’t write too much here, for obvious reasons If I want to continue. I’ve been lucky, as it revolves around the concept related to the Netherlands. If u did not get that (Im not surprised, it rhymes with a telecom company that is no longer what it was known as) But let me tell you one thing- Pune and its merry hang-abouts don’t come cheap.
3) Treats: This unholy event occurs with a certain sporadic ir-regularity. Its not like I have achieved feats of greatness [One I have, and a treat is due =, guys u’ll get it @ the end of this year I promise 
] We here just need a reason to make the other guy take us out to dinner. It can range from as important as passing in a backlog paper, attending class on time, accidently bumping into a hot chick on campus or putting on the right pair of socks to stuff like staying home for 2 months for one’s internship. This if your lucky can be postponed but birthdays and personal accidents , you’d wish you’d never had those.
4) Twilight Zone Treats: Hmm..how do I put this..lets say you had a fixed agenda of going on to dinner with some people in your mind. Now you accidently see that more people invite themselves or run into them or meet them at your destination which compounds things and upsets your pre –established frame of reference. This becomes all the more worse if the parties are cannibals and guzzlers and you are told that the order of the day is well..the doubled edged sword of the Netherlanders.
5) Laundry: Seems to be an essential function that cannot be compromised on. The irony is that I think I do a better job cleaning that the dude on campus. Am waiting for him to lose a pair of pants so I can get credit for atleast 700 bucks that takes care of this expense for the rest of the year. (Some guy in my campus pulled this stunt and the pants were worth as much as a politicians promise)
6) Contributions for Social Events: Includes contribution for Freshers, Jobbers, Losers..some goddamn event or the other where appointed agents will knock your door down till they get the cash payment. I recommend they join ICICI’s loan recovery cell. I don’t deny I too have fun but such a large capital expenditure for 1 night seems quite pointless. I DON’T want a loser DJ, I DON’T care for carbonated drinks and what I DO CARE about is atleast good dessert, not some vanilla crap with raisins in them. Hurts my taste buds and my wallet.
7) Fines, fines and fines: Ranging from 5 for an overdue library book to 500 for a missed guest lecture..I protest both the counts, the 1st I should be exempted from as honestly one of the most active proponents of reading and the 2nd as I really don’t give a damn on who comes. And if you honestly think that you’re worth 500 a student who missed a seat on your hall, you are in the wrong business. Join the pony tail management guy in his scam.
As can been seen, there seems to be more outflows than inflows by far. And my NPV of my Net cash position I negative. And I realize that my income is fixed. I will continue to siphon money from my parents and never win any contest. It seems the pain areas to work on are my outflows..Now let me see which area can I reduce on..hmm..(draws a blank..) . Say…do people really make money off their blogs..? Nah..I ain’t even that funny and I’m grammatically challenged.
